In New Zealand, the most meaningful greeting is not a handshake. It is the hongi, the pressing together of noses and foreheads, through which two people share a single breath, the ha, the breath of life. To receive a hongi is to stop being a visitor, a manuhiri, and become, for a moment, one of the people. Understanding Maori culture, tikanga, is the key that turns a scenic holiday in New Zealand into a real encounter with the place.
The hongi and the powhiri
The hongi is performed by gently pressing your nose and forehead to the other person's, often with a light handshake, and holding for a moment. It is intimate and significant, the exchange of breath symbolising the joining of two people. If you are offered one, lean in gently and let it happen; pulling back or treating it awkwardly misses a genuine honour.
On a formal visit to a marae, the Maori meeting ground, you may be received with a powhiri, a welcome ceremony that can include a challenge, calls, speeches, and song, and that transforms you from outsider to guest. It follows its own protocol, when to move, when to speak, when to sing a song in return, and the right approach is simple: follow your hosts closely, stay respectful and quiet, and take part sincerely when invited. It is one of the most moving welcomes in the world to receive properly.
A hongi is not a quaint custom for tourists. It is the moment a stranger becomes, by the sharing of one breath, a little less of a stranger.
On the hongi
Why the head is sacred
In Maori tikanga, the head is the most sacred, tapu, part of the body, and this shapes etiquette in ways visitors must respect. Do not touch another person's head, including patting a child's head, however affectionately you mean it. Because the head is sacred and food is the opposite, noa, ordinary and used to lift tapu, you also keep them separate: do not sit on tables or surfaces where food is prepared or served, and do not pass food over someone's head.
On a marae and in many homes, you remove your shoes before entering the meeting house or the living areas. These rules about tapu and noa, the sacred and the ordinary, are the backbone of Maori etiquette, and while no one expects a visitor to know every nuance, observing the big ones, the head, the shoes, food separateness, shows a respect that is deeply appreciated.
The easygoing kiwi code
Alongside Maori tikanga runs the broader New Zealand temperament, and it is famously relaxed, friendly, and modest. New Zealanders value mateship, looking out for one another, and quietly dislike arrogance or showing off, a version of the tall-poppy instinct where those who boast get gently cut down. Understatement is the national style. Be friendly, be humble, do not brag, and you fit right in.
Kiwis are informal, first names, bare feet in the supermarket, a casualness that can surprise visitors from more formal cultures, and deeply connected to the outdoors and to kaitiakitanga, guardianship of the land. Respect for nature is close to sacred: carry out your rubbish, stay on trails, treat the environment with care. A simple kia ora, the Maori greeting now used by everyone, and a genuine, unflashy friendliness will carry you a long way.
The rules worth carrying
- Receive a hongi gently, leaning in to press noses and foreheads. It is an honour, not a novelty.
- Never touch someone's head, including children's. The head is tapu, sacred.
- Keep food separate from the sacred. Do not sit on tables or pass food over heads.
- Remove shoes entering a marae meeting house and many homes, and follow your hosts in any ceremony.
- Stay humble and respect the land. Kiwis dislike boasting and revere the outdoors. Leave no trace.
Two cultures, one welcome
New Zealand is a bicultural country still actively working through the legacy of the Treaty of Waitangi, the 1840 agreement between the Crown and Maori that sits at the heart of national life. You will see Maori language and protocol woven through everything, official ceremonies, place names, everyday greetings, not as decoration but as a living partnership. The traveller who learns even a little, who receives a hongi properly, who keeps their feet off the table and their shoes at the door, is rewarded with one of the warmest, most grounded welcomes anywhere. Aotearoa, the Maori name for the land, opens to those who arrive with respect.
New Zealand will charm you with mountains and fjords. It will move you with a powhiri. The first is the holiday. The second is the country letting you in.
On the OJ New Zealand trip we make room for the culture as well as the landscape, the Maori welcome where it is offered, the tikanga that asks only for respect, the easy kiwi friendliness that asks only that you not show off. Because the scenery is the most beautiful in the world, but the hongi, the shared breath that turns a stranger into a guest, is the part you carry home in a different place than your camera roll.
Frequently asked
What is a hongi?
The hongi is the traditional Maori greeting in which two people gently press their noses and foreheads together, often with a light handshake, sharing the breath of life, the ha. It symbolises joining two people and turns a visitor into a welcomed guest. If offered one, lean in gently and receive it sincerely; it is a genuine honour.
Why can't you touch someone's head in New Zealand?
In Maori tikanga, the head is the most sacred, tapu, part of the body, so touching anyone's head, including patting a child's, is disrespectful. Because food is noa, the opposite of sacred, you also keep them apart: do not sit on tables used for food or pass food over people's heads. These tapu and noa rules underpin Maori etiquette.
What is the kiwi attitude to showing off?
New Zealanders value modesty, mateship, and understatement, and quietly dislike arrogance or boasting, a tall-poppy instinct where those who big themselves up get gently cut down to size. Be friendly, humble, and low-key, respect the outdoors and leave no trace, and use a simple kia ora greeting, and you will fit in easily.